Days of mere tortutre have passed. As of certain people on my tagboard; i think i'd explain what happened a few days ago more clearly now.

A friend of mine and me were texting each other on the phone when an abrupt change of subject occured. She told me not to get angry and so i obeyed her advice. She told me to check my past sent messages and knowing as it is, i decided not to as my mother's personal stuff was in there and i was instructed strictly as to not even have a peek at it.

That friend (A) told me to check again , yet, i hesitated...
In the end she told me of the messages inside...ferocious at the descriptions, i myself decided to clarify her description and so took a trip to my sent messages inbox. Alas! It was all true...but even still...how'd she come to know of it when i myself...do not?! She explained to me that gurvin told her about it. How shocked was i to hear about this. My so-called best-friend took advantage of having the ability to view my phone and abused to humiliate me infront of so many strangers out there.

Before the incident, there'd already be cases and signs of them showing that they were ignoring//avoiding me.What fault have i done? It was just a few days ago that ive realised that they were calling me names too. What cruelty for such a group of people whom i call my best friends.

It was my family business...how brave were they to expose my family secrets, seeing as the way that my family is broken, to other people. Ive already gone through enough of torture through my parents' divorce and such...must they put me through this pain again?

A few days later, after i chose not to be close with such people whom i could not trust and abide by, the person who saw the sent messages inbox of my phone took her guts to talk to me.After all, those messages werent sent by my mother but were sent by my idiotic father and saved in the sent messages folder considering that due to the limited memory storage of this phone, it had to be kept there and there only. Those messages could be used in the future against my father as evidences to whatever sinful act he has done and defied.

Gurvin: Shakinah, you angry at me is it? I never look at your messages purposely...when i press here press there then suddenly the sent items appear.I never do purposely

Me: Uhum...(controlling my anger from within)

Gurvin: I was so shocked when i saw the messages so i told ser min and nicole who were in the vicinity. Then ser min and nicole told to dian and anisah and syarmin.

Me: (silent...thinking in the head: if you viewed it on accident then how come you viewed all 4 messages accidentally, they couldn't have possible popped out on their own saying...gurvin read me!...besides, did you even clarify with me the situation? instead you told anyone around you at first sight and soon people will be bad mouthing about me and my family)

Gurvin: I never do purposely...i only told our group of people only...after telling ser min they all then i realise that you not that type of person

Me: Oh so...how did farah know about it? (I suppose a unicorn told her about it right?)

Gurvin: (silent for awhile) I never do on purpose

Me: ( gave her a disappointed look and walked away)


After all this...some of them still had the cheek to say that im turning a small matter into a big one. Please if this was such a small matter i wouldn't have cried my lungs out the other day. Do they realise what they've done? Do they know that they've
intruded my privacy...runied my dignity and pride...stained my heart...and broke my trust?
Most of all do they even know how much i trusted them before and this is how they go about stabbing me each time they talk about my broken family with their shards of cruel words. I expected much more from them. I thought they were my friends, but this proved me wrong.
They caught me off guard, caught me at my best....
Worst of it all is that they could still have the urge to call me "kentang"
What friend would ever do this. Were they even as what i call a friend or a foe who preyed on my tears of blood? I will never forget this incident...not ever

What monstrous humans would break someones heart when its already shattered? In other words...they hurt me even after the hurt ive been through with my father.

CLOSE YOUR EYES,
JUST PRETEND THE BULLET ISNT THERE,
NO SURPRISE,
DONT DEFY,THAT NOONE REALLY CARES

Those lyrics written by DAVID COOK express the way i truly feel right now.
Heres more

I REMEMBER FEELING LOW,
I REMEMBER LOSING HOPE,
I REMEMBER ALL THE FEELINGS
AND THE DAY THEY STOPPED

From the song INNOCENT in which DAVID roland COOK sang

This is Sharkie,
disappointed in the way everything turned out to be,
swimming off in her pool of tears(literally)